I've been published!

Okay, so it may not be an article in the NY Times, or even Star for that matter, but I got published! So if you are interested in knowing all about Kim Kardashian's beauty secrets (oh I know you are!), the click HERE to check it out. Sweet.

Reality...it ain't no show

It has to be said that television and movies have simply ruined women (and men too) to the reality of what is reality when it comes to relationships. We fill our minds each day with the idea that men really do run off to Paris to rescue you (thanks Sex and the City), that people are always moving cross country for love, being spastic and crazy is actually endearing, and open-relationships can actually blossom into loving, committed bliss. Um, yeah right.

In my movie, sitcom, reality show, whateva, fabulous first dates are followed up by a text message, you move and are lucky to get a quarterly generic e-mail update about their new dog and fabulous new life without you, and being laid back and chill gets you...nowhere. Visions of grandeur that life is filled with helicopter rides over waterfalls and 25 men vying for your attention just don't ring true in the everyday. While I enjoy the mind numbing invention of the romantic comedy, I question if it hasn't in some way made an impact on the over 50% divorce rate we hear so much about. Maybe if we weren't being filled with unrealistic expectations on a daily basis we could all actually come to the reality that relationships are not all about prince charming riding up on his white horse to whisk you away to lala land. It's more likely he'll be riding up in an 85' Nissan Sentra and whisking you through the Taco Bell drive-thru, and then stealing all the fire sauce.

Fabulously Flawed

Okay, so I am a bit obsessed with this new show on the USA Network called Royal Pains. It is not because the dialogue and storyline is so riveting, it's not, but it does have something to do with the awkward, big-nosed, curly-haired, bow-legged star of the show, Mark Feuerstein (aka Dr. Hank Lawson). He's what I like to call fabulously flawed; by many standards not 'hot', but his unfortunate genetic code has created something super sexy. Hollywood is full of them too, just look at Joaquin Phoenix and his famous upper lip or Kirsten Dunst with her snaggle tooth. While society seems to be hyper-focused on perfection, I think they have it all wrong. In my opinion there is nothing sexier than an overly large, and if lucky, crooked nose, one odd little tooth that won't straighten out, or even ears that stick out just a wee bit too far. Maybe this obsession has something to do with the fact that I am perfect...naw...that can't be it.

Nice to meet you. I live at home with my mommy.

Just admit it, in some ways you are jealous of me. I mean, come on, I kind of have it made right now. Granted I can't paint the walls whatever color I want, have gentlemen callers when I want to scratch an itch, and my step-father seems to be in the bathroom every damn time I just happen to want to use it...but hey, I don't pay rent, I have an entire floor to myself, the fridge is always stocked, and my mom will still pick up my tampons for me without so much as a blink of an eye.

Even so, I feel discriminated against. It's sad and unfortunate that many here in the good ol' U.S of A find it less attractive to live at home than it is to have a fungal infection of some kind on your girlie parts. Yes, I just said that. Since when does living with your parents at the ripe old age of 30 mean you are less succesful, and let's just be honest here, kind of a loser? You know, cross the pond and you won't be surprised to find a nice bloke eating fish and chips in his parents living room at all of 38 years of age. If my mom gives me permission I may even go with you.

By the way, I'm at home while I wait for this stimulus package to actually work, and I was finishing my degree, and I wanted the chance to travel, and yes, I feel the need to tell you that.

Hello. My Name is Cheater.

So why is it that when a guy wants to cheat on his wife he feels it is totally appropriate to basically just let you know. Can't you at least try and lie? I mean, it was wierd enough when you were acting like a total creeper and just staring at me. It was also rather odd that you were all trying to get up in my biz when I was so obviously ignoring your blinged-out ass and trying to watch the show. No, we are not drinking. No, we don't want a drink. No, not married. Yes, he sings good. Yes, I have a lighter. No, unaware Market of Choice doesn't sell ciggies. No, we aren't going to drink with you. Yes, lame you are fighting with your wife. Yes, I am sure you do love her very much. No, didn't know your wife has issues with your torrid, slutty past. No, we are not drinking (didn't we cover that?!). Yes, you are an ass!

Welcome to my blog yo!

I find that I am a highly opinionated person who likes to spout off ideas, comments and the like without an invitation, so figured why not start a blog where nobody can stop me right? So here it is, hope ya'll can dig it.