Multiple Personalities

I keep having these battles in my head lately about who I am and should be. Don't worry, I am not feeling all blue and in no way, shape or form am I depressed. Perhaps I am just full of bullshit, have multiple personalities and should just embrace my odd self. Maybe I need to explain this with some more depth, or maybe nobody cares and I should just grab a corner, hug my knees and cry. Oh come on people, that is so Hollywood. In the real world I would go find an empty bar stool at some dark, dingy place where I can make friends with the bartender and the old fart next to me before finding the only half-decent and non-toothless idiot to hang all over until I feel better about myself right? Hmm....maybe that is too real. Anyways....

Each day lately I have all these thoughts roaming in my expansive brain about the future. You see, I am usually a big time planner but am trying to get away from being way too German and OCD. Sooo...this new non-planner me is having a hard time finding focus beyond the day, okay week really. Some mornings I wake up and want to be this aloof, moody, brooding deep thinker who walks about all mysterious-like and makes everyone feel less smart and less cool than me. Then afternoon hits and I am like, really? So not you Rebecca. Next. Enter hippie me. Now this personality takes things as they come, is super happy, not too chatty but definitely social. She also likes to be outdoors, and stare at the sky. Maybe even smell some flowers, pick one for her hair and comment on how the trees are so pretty. Oh yeah, this me is very lovable. Just when I think maybe there is a good mix going on...enter the puta. For whatever reason I cannot seem to get rid of this pesky bitch for the life of me. I don't like her, either does anyone else. Unless of course I happen to drink too much tequila than the puta is funny, oh so very funny. I am working on getting rid of her asap. So not good for the party man. I suppose there is also just the chill me. I like her. I want to mix this attitude with the brainy aloof girl, with the aggressive business woman I can be and the amiable hippie me. I am weird.

Perhaps what I need to do is open up a hotel (all environmentally sustainable of course) on a nice beach where I don't have to wear shoes and allow only moody artists and uptight Wall Street peeps to come hang and take a load off. I don't know. Either that or I can do the complete opposite. Whatever that is. You see my dilemma here? ha