Hola, how much?

As many of you may know, I am currently seeking a job beyond honing my fabulous cooking skills, reliance on government funding and being a damn good social (and highly educated I might add) butterfly. So when I ventured out last night to down a few at the local pub my buddy works at I was expecting a night of bad karaoke, strong drinks, local drunks and non-thought provoking conversion - not an unconventional, albeit slightly enticing, job offer.

The older I get the less I am shocked by people, so when a very middle-aged Latino entered the bar, we'll call him Señor Suave for fun, I wasn't at all shocked that he wanted to talk to me. I was however a wee bit shocked at what he wanted to talk to me about. What started out as a very interesting conversation about his family history (his family lived in the Los Angeles area when it still belonged to Mexico, kinda cool) and the general bar-friendly chit-chat that means nothing really, was very quickly turning into the very first solicitation for my services.

Apparently my slight interest in Señor Suave's life translated to him thinking I would actually consider being taken on as an, um, personal assistant of sorts. Thankfully since the conversation was all taking place in Spanish I was the only one privy to my being cheapened. So according to my dark, wrinkly suitor, I was to be outfitted in all the expensive clothes I would want, have use of his Mercedes convertible and even get a flat in the Pearl. I don't know what offended me more, the fact that he thinks I would actually want to live in the fakeness and un-authenticity that is the Pearl District, or that I appeared to be someone that would consider such a thing as being "paid" for sleeping with a man. Oh but wait, I wouldn't have to sleep with him, he promised me, he was just looking for beautiful (aw shucks), young woman to have good conversation with. Ha, yeah right, what am I stupid? I could forsee the requests for a junior high school style hand job in exchange for the new Hermès scarf I would have never before looked twice at, before becomming a kept-woman that is.

Funny thing is, beyond my getting asked to be a hooker of course, that when I told my mother about this her first question was "Well was he at least good looking?" Really? Really mom? As if that would make a difference and then maybe, just maybe, I should have at least considered the poor guy. Okay, maybe it would have, I can't lie.

To Whom It May Concern:

For those who have been in the job application mode lately, you may get a kick out of this, and for those not, well you may get a giggle as well. You see, I keep getting these fabulous rejection letters from potential employers telling me how great I am, but no thanks. So, I think we should start sending them out for all types of rejection, because come on, why limit it to just the job market?

Dear potential boyfriend/girlfriend,

I would like to thank you for taking the time to apply for a position as my potential significant other. You have an excellent history of not cheating, a great background in commitment and are fluent in great conversation. However, after much consideration I have decided to interview other men/women for this position.

I will keep your application on file for future positions if the other idiot that I decide to choose happens to not work out, or I get extremely drunk and call you at 2am, whichever comes first.

Sincerely,

Miss/Mr. Jerk

Here we go again...

I am quickly coming to the conclusion that all men really are created equal; equally confused and living in their own little twisted world that is. This may sound like a rant, call it what you will, but I am honestly over some of those who consider themselves a part of the male species. While I like to pride myself on being a bit of an oddity at times, come on, I usually get invited to hang with the boys on guy's night because I'm 'just cool like that', but when it comes to getting duped I admit, I will always be just one of the ladies.

The fact that being 'confused' seems to happen not just to me, but basically all of my female friends, is leading me to believe that it's not just us ladies that are simply not getting it. Perhaps, it's all you boys (read into the fact that I said boys and not men) that lead us to believe that there is actually something substantial and worthwhile happening that we should stick around for. Perhaps we just want to believe that what you say and what you do are going to be the same thing, or perhaps it's just wishful thinking that there are actually people out there that mean what they say. I tend to be a rather good judge of character; I rarely make things up in my head (really, I try not to, so not a good practice) but every now and then apparently I like to get really girlie and think that there may be something when there is nothing. Funny how that happens. Sucks how that feels.

I have to thank the author of He's Just Not That Into You for laying it out there like a real man. I don't think he will ever fully understand the gift he gave to us women who choose to actually heed his advice. If he is "too busy" to make time, yup, not into you. Can't because he just got out of a "serious relationship?" Yeah, um, not into you. "Confused" about his feelings? You guessed it, really just not that into you. You see, I am glad that with age comes the increasing wisdom to know that if someone is not willing to put out an ounce of effort, despite some of the above excuses, then they really just don't care enough, because people, if you are really into someone, there is nothing that will get in your way.