Mad Men...Mmm

As I sit here watching the glorious splendor that is Mad Men I wonder how long I would have lasted back in the 1960s since I tend to be a loud, opinionated female with a mind of her own. While I most likely would have been a "Peggy" due to my high intelligence and ability to be one of the boys (not a hint of narcissism there), I actually dig the odd, simple and quite nature of Betty. She may have it all: the hot husband, the big house in the burbs, two kids, a hot body, great hair and a closet full of the latest fashion.

I know she is married to a, albeit super sexy, terminal cheater who smokes more than a fire and favors one too many bourbons while demeaning her very being, but I envy her. Sometimes I feel like I want to be made a fool by a man like Don Draper and not say anything when he comes home after "working late" smelling like a Upper East Side floozy as he lights up another cig at the dining room table to eat the pot roast I spent all effen day cooking in between ironing, cleaning and taking care of the two bratty kids we had because "that's what you do" after you get married. Oh, and to spend all day getting gussied up to only have to sit through the dull evening with your colleagues that all know you are a cheating bastard when you think you live a Ken and Barbie lifestyle (although didn't Ken end up being gay? Anyways...).

I think I am smelling a little social experiment in the works. Does being a quite, weird women attract a playboy like Don Draper? Could be fun to find out. Then again, do I really want to put myself into a potentially emotional abusive relationship just to play out some silly 1960s housewife fantasy? Um, I hate to say it but...maybe.

A jolly, gay ol' time

Times are rough right now, what with the high unemployment rates, health care debates, worries of swine f -oops I mean N1H1 virus, and for us single ladies, the lack of good-looking, fun, honest men who just want to find their best friend to spend the rest of their lives with climbing pyramids, laughing at each other's lame attempts at real humor, having crazy wine-induced sex while vacationing in Spain before coming home to our fabulous flat in the city where our extremely intellectual and amazingly cultured friends come to enjoy a fabulous night of conversation...okay, I went too far, but I think you get the point. Anyways, after little consideration, I have decided to go gay.

I am not writing off all men in favor of the female-persuasion, don't get me wrong, but I am utilizing my gay male friends a lot more, what with my stream of unfortunates lately. I'm not giving up though, I do believe that there is someone out there for me, I just need a little pit stop on that eventual road to bliss. It just so happens that my pit-stop involves being made to feel like you are the hottest chica in the room, late night cuddle sessions, romantic comedies, hot men, and great dance clubs. I'm not pulling a total Will & Grace here, but a little dose of cheeky, neurotic behavior can't be that bad for my single soul.

To Whom It May Concern:

For those who have been in the job application mode lately, you may get a kick out of this, and for those not, well you may get a giggle as well. You see, I keep getting these fabulous rejection letters from potential employers telling me how great I am, but no thanks. So, I think we should start sending them out for all types of rejection, because come on, why limit it to just the job market?

Dear potential boyfriend/girlfriend,

I would like to thank you for taking the time to apply for a position as my potential significant other. You have an excellent history of not cheating, a great background in commitment and are fluent in great conversation. However, after much consideration I have decided to interview other men/women for this position.

I will keep your application on file for future positions if the other idiot that I decide to choose happens to not work out, or I get extremely drunk and call you at 2am, whichever comes first.

Sincerely,

Miss/Mr. Jerk

Here we go again...

I am quickly coming to the conclusion that all men really are created equal; equally confused and living in their own little twisted world that is. This may sound like a rant, call it what you will, but I am honestly over some of those who consider themselves a part of the male species. While I like to pride myself on being a bit of an oddity at times, come on, I usually get invited to hang with the boys on guy's night because I'm 'just cool like that', but when it comes to getting duped I admit, I will always be just one of the ladies.

The fact that being 'confused' seems to happen not just to me, but basically all of my female friends, is leading me to believe that it's not just us ladies that are simply not getting it. Perhaps, it's all you boys (read into the fact that I said boys and not men) that lead us to believe that there is actually something substantial and worthwhile happening that we should stick around for. Perhaps we just want to believe that what you say and what you do are going to be the same thing, or perhaps it's just wishful thinking that there are actually people out there that mean what they say. I tend to be a rather good judge of character; I rarely make things up in my head (really, I try not to, so not a good practice) but every now and then apparently I like to get really girlie and think that there may be something when there is nothing. Funny how that happens. Sucks how that feels.

I have to thank the author of He's Just Not That Into You for laying it out there like a real man. I don't think he will ever fully understand the gift he gave to us women who choose to actually heed his advice. If he is "too busy" to make time, yup, not into you. Can't because he just got out of a "serious relationship?" Yeah, um, not into you. "Confused" about his feelings? You guessed it, really just not that into you. You see, I am glad that with age comes the increasing wisdom to know that if someone is not willing to put out an ounce of effort, despite some of the above excuses, then they really just don't care enough, because people, if you are really into someone, there is nothing that will get in your way.

Reality...it ain't no show

It has to be said that television and movies have simply ruined women (and men too) to the reality of what is reality when it comes to relationships. We fill our minds each day with the idea that men really do run off to Paris to rescue you (thanks Sex and the City), that people are always moving cross country for love, being spastic and crazy is actually endearing, and open-relationships can actually blossom into loving, committed bliss. Um, yeah right.

In my movie, sitcom, reality show, whateva, fabulous first dates are followed up by a text message, you move and are lucky to get a quarterly generic e-mail update about their new dog and fabulous new life without you, and being laid back and chill gets you...nowhere. Visions of grandeur that life is filled with helicopter rides over waterfalls and 25 men vying for your attention just don't ring true in the everyday. While I enjoy the mind numbing invention of the romantic comedy, I question if it hasn't in some way made an impact on the over 50% divorce rate we hear so much about. Maybe if we weren't being filled with unrealistic expectations on a daily basis we could all actually come to the reality that relationships are not all about prince charming riding up on his white horse to whisk you away to lala land. It's more likely he'll be riding up in an 85' Nissan Sentra and whisking you through the Taco Bell drive-thru, and then stealing all the fire sauce.