Destination location: The airport please

I used to be one of those people that got all snobby and thought the U.S. doesn't have any real culture. I mean, come on people, it's not culture unless it twirls in fancy skirts, beats drums, speaks a foreign language, has weird food you can't identify, and well, basically looks nothing like a purebred white boy with a Boston cap - right? Oh no, no, no this is just not true, so I am learning. There are so many sub-cultures that exist in this sprawling country from west coast, to the south, the north and to the east (and all those useless states in the middle right?) we are different, some might say unique really, with little splendors that set us just the slightest bit apart from one another. The great thing about it is, I don't need to play golf in Arizona, deep sea fish in the San Juan Islands, ride a horse in Texas, catch some jazz in New Orleans, or hail a cab in New York City to get the gist of what these people are like. I just need about 10 minutes in their airport.

It should really be a vacation package of sorts, what with all the great restaurants, bookstores, upscale duty-free shopping, sometimes free music if you're lucky, plus the walls are adorned with great local facts, figures and pictures of the area. Why leave? Some could even be considered Eco-tourism, like Portland, which has a very sustainable airport you know. I'm digressing here, back to the people and culture. My travels have allowed me to stop off in many different airports and therefore given me just a glimpse into the local cultures and I thought I would share a few of those with you now, tell me if I am stereotyping too much by all means:

• Chicago: rude (a little smile and hello is much welcomed after being out of the country for 6 damn months thank you), dirty, gray, crowded, good looking businessmen, cold, great food, drab with only a hint of fun in the sports bar.
• Los Angeles: lack of intelligence (don't get me started here), crowded, an air of haughtiness, wait a minute am I in Mexico?, great variety of salads, lots of colorful clothes, fake boobies, fake blondes, lots of "important people" and nothing is on time.
• Hawaii: very friendly ("Aloha! Oh my, I am so sorry, but it looks like you have been randomly selected for additional screening. Is that okay? Mahalo." I'm not kidding), great tropical drinks, breezy tropical breezes, lots of flowers, smiles all around, no worries, no rush.
• Arizona: nobody pays any attention to anything, lots of tan people, the majority are pretty fit looking, people seem smart, they may own stock in the khaki shorts and sun visor industry, golf shirts everywhere and most of the women look like soccer moms with extra, sun-freckled cleavage and bachelor's degrees.
• Charlotte: more "colorful" if you will, fried food at every gate, people appeared a bit, um, stupid really with how they talk ("We be boarding zone 1 and 2 now" & "You be allowed one carry on..."), slow walkers, less fit in appearance that Arizona that's for sure, no apparent style to be noted, unless stretch cotton is the new thing.
• Portland: uber clean, bright, very "green," tons of stuff about nature all over, coffee shops galore, 8 out of 10 people wear brown shoes (this is my own personal survey I have conducted many times over the years), lots of readers, and super friendly people who keep to themselves.
• San Fran: almost as rude as Chicago, rushing, everything is a rush, good looking people everywhere (if you are into the stock broker looking, leather shoes, trench coat thing, yum), newspapers abound, good food variety, lots of coffee options, confusing, everyone appears to be doing something or going somewhere.