Cheesy goodness

As many of you may know, I finally got myself a damn job! Of course, knowing my style it's not going to be anything normal right?! So folks, I am embarking on an 11 month tour throughout many a lovely U.S. state to slang cheese. Mmm....queso. While I originally debated back and forth as to doing a six week on/off dealio, I decided to throw caution to the wind and go for the gold so to speak. A lot of this decision came down to the fact that I didn't want to miss out on spending a good deal of time in sunny San Diego or miss seeing some crazy ass mountains in Utah and Colorado.

I couldn't be more thrilled to be living in hotels either. There's just something about mini-lotions and shower caps that make me smile. Not to mention I don't have to clean a toilet, scrub a shower or make my bed for nearly a year. Oh the joy! While I will kinda-sorta miss my friends (I may shed a tear for one or two of you) and my family (you all better keep in touch!!), I know this experience will be up there with others I have had in my life as of yet. Thankfully I am young so if it sucks I have plenty of time to make this year up. Just saying.

That's so wrong

I feel like I border on being highly inappropriate at times. I only verge on this though, so I may actually still be okay. For example, the other night I was volunteering at an emergency warming shelter for the Red Cross (we were below frigid here in P-Town for a week straight) and as I was sitting in a dark little corner watching a rather large group of homeless folks sleep, I felt the sudden urge to just scream at the top of my lungs. Did I? No people. That would be what we call inappropriate. However, the very fact that this crossed my mind as something that would be funny to do slightly concerns me. I mean, come on, it's quiet, everyone is asleep, their reaction could be hilarious as they wake up suddenly and think "what the f*ck?!" and then there I am in the corner laughing hysterically to the point of tears....or, um, maybe not.

I had another moment of this stupidity while sitting in my sexual harassment training today for the new job. For some reason all I wanted to do during the class and afterwards was say something so full-blown wrong and sexually inappropriate. I couldn't help looking around the room at everyone and wondering if I am the only weirdo who has these thoughts running through my obviously overactive mind. I guarantee I am not. I would like to think there are many other closet dorks out there.

Drunk Dialing....

After way too many close calls (pun intended), I have decided to make a few changes in my life. You see, I suffer from a disorder called drunk texting and calling. Don't laugh my friends, this can be very serious. Ahem, um, so for some reason I find I have little self-control when it comes to realizing that after a few drinks too many it may not be wise to send a little hate-note of sorts to an ex whatever he is. I just also came to realize it could be taken as highly inappropriate to call someone at 3am just to say "hey" and see "what's up." I don't know why it took me so long to realize that when I get those calls at that hour, it tends to look a lot like a desperate booty-call. So why it wouldn't appear the same when I do it is beyond me.

So after yet another morning of looking back over my calls and texts from the previous night and feeling a wee bit of regret, and let's face it, borderline humiliation, I decided to be proactive and take a positive step into my new found rehabilitation. Yes people, I hit the erase button and it felt so damn good. Perhaps I should also take into account that alcohol has something to do with this too....naw.

Snobby Bi*ch

Despite the fact that I haven’t worked in damn near two years, have a very small savings account (um, like $8), and admit that at times I do return pop bottles for gas money, lately I am feeling rather snobby. Surprisingly, this attitude seems to be rearing its ugly even though lately my overqualified ass (see what I mean) has not been able to find a job even as I keep getting told I am “great,” “extremely experienced,” and “more than qualified.” I have also managed to keep up a less than lackadaisical appearance with no roots (since I went back to my natural color that is), and thanks to discount shopping stores my fashion hasn’t suffered too much, although I still am in need of some hot new boots. But hey, whatever.

This feeling of snobbery hit an all time high the other night while out and about scoping the scene in town. Some guy (who will remain unnamed) at some lame bar (which will also go unnamed) thought it okay to begin to get his flirt-on with me. So, here I am, looking hot in my new black skinny jeans and über high heels kind of feeling the night and thinking this could be good. Semi-good looking dude is chatting me up with the basic compliments (yawn) and giving me the puppy-dog eyes (endearing at times, not so much tonight). We get to the breaking point of me thinking, well, maybe this guy is decent enough to share a few more moments on, after all the bar is not hoppin’ tonight. Then he begins to tell me how hard he’s been working lately…

I’m thinking manual laborer, which is totally fine and expected in this part of town, but I can feel the snobbery rising in my blood. He works with people…he has to be up early…he’s been there about 2 years…it’s just down the road…it’s retail…you’ve probably heard of it…it’s effing Subway. As in “Eat Fresh,” I am a sandwich artist. While I am glad that he has a job in this rough economy, it’s not as if he’s doing this to make his way through school. No, it’s what he does. Snob level has hit an all time high now as I look deep into myself to gain the strength not to look him dead in the eye and ask if he seriously thinks he has a chance with me. After all. I am highly educated, speak, speak multiple languages, am well-traveled, blah, blah, blah. Instead, I take a deep breath, look at him and say, “Um...yeah…I gotta go!” before grabbing the tab and hitting the door. Yes, I am a snobby bi*ch, so what?

Bitter

I feel like it's been a long time since I last blogged for whomever is actually reading my rants. I've thought about it, just really been too lazy to want to do anything about it. Instead I have enjoyed reading a massive amount of books at a rapid rate (every hold I had came into the library in one week!) and continued my job seeking endeavors. Oh, and I got what I assume was probably the swine flu because it's been in my body for over 2 weeks now. With that said....

I finally had a job interview! After spending the last year and a half with no luck I was thrilled to get an e-mail that didn't begin with "Thank you for your interest in Company XY, however...." Seriously, I actually got a letter from one potential employer that told me they decided to go with someone else for the position I applied for, and wait this is good, "any other positions currently available." Ha. Interview went well, I rocked it of course. It couldn't have come at a better time either, with the holidays approaching I am battling the depression that comes from the inability to buy anything, for me or others.

It has become a regular thing for me now to drive down my beloved streets of upper NW Portland and know that I cannot afford anything there anymore. Where I used to sit and have $15 desserts and $20 dinner plates after a delightful afternoon of shopping is now where I sit (for a $1.50 coffee) and watch everyone walk by laughing and enjoying a glorious afternoon with shopping bags in their hands. It's sad when you can't even afford to thrift shop anymore too. I budget Taco Bell for fricks sake. Over it. So over it.

People annoy me

It was pointed out by my bestie (yes, I use words like that) today that I have added to my continuously growing list of pet peeves. Hey, in my defence it's not my fault that people are just becoming more stupid! I also highly doubt that I am the only person who finds the blatant misuse of common words annoying and downright disgusting really. Okay, example. My friend sent me a text the other day and wrote, "Oh dam!" Really?! Really man? I know you aren't referring to something either beavers or incredibly brilliant engineers design right?

Oh, but wait, this is not the only new addition to my list o' peeves such as people who drink way too much soda and coffee (talking like 5 Big Gulps a day here, not a trip to Starbucks and a Dr. Pepper with lunch okay?) and those who can't seem to understand that dishwashers are designed for full-capacity, efficient loading. I have also come to realize that I have major beef with people who can't seem to use appropriate, professional e-mail formatting. If I know you, be casual. No need to address me accordingly each time, or hell, even sign your name. However, if you are corresponding with me about a job opportunity or something, check your grammar and use the lovely creation that is Spellcheck. I mean, come on, Microsoft has made it easy for you to appear smart, take advantage of it.

I am also under the very snobby opinion that if you are educated (not just college, talking educated in life, and just generally intelligent really) you are free to use improper speech in an attempt to sound cool, young or just plain hip. You've earned it. If you haven't been able to slightly master what is the English language (and your first language of course, I give a break to those who didn't begin the journey at birth. I'm not a total bitch.) then shut it please. It's painful for those of us that care.